Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
