I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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