Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
