They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
