they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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