I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
