Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
