I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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