just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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