there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
