That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
