I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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