can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
