It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
