Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
