I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
