I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
