at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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