we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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