if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
