I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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