so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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