I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Someone came in the potted fern
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
