I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
