I'm gonna have a badass scar
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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