He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
