Have you finally orgasmed yet?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
