i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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