I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
