what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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