I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
