can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
