i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he thought i was a dude.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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