Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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