sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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