In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
