so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
