You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
