Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
