do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
