i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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