i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
