i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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