Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
