And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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