just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
