Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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