I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
