Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bring me that man meat
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize