just come out here and I will go home with you...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're too hungover to prance.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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