If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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