Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
cat food counts as protein by the way
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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