you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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