hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
