i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
