mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
