You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
