Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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