After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
