since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
