i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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