On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
